Introduction
bar-goers and social butterflies! Ever find yourself staring down a bar menu, completely clueless about what to order? Well, before you ask for that neon-colored cocktail that’ll give you nothing but regrets, let’s talk. There are some things you just should NOT order at a bar, and we’re gonna get into all of them. From complicated concoctions that drive bartenders nuts to drinks that are just plain wrong for the season, we’ve got your back.
The Overly Complicated Cocktail
You walk into a bar, and the menu looks like a manual for building a rocket ship—ingredients you can’t pronounce, mixed with stuff you’ve never heard of. And while experimentation can be fun, let’s be real here: An overly complicated cocktail is not only tough to get right, but it also slows everything down.
Complexity = Time: The bartender has to juggle a dozen ingredients, holding up the line.
Higher Chance of Errors: The more elements, the higher the risk something will go wrong.
Don’t be that person. Instead, stick to simpler cocktails that are just as tasty but won’t have the bartender cursing under their breath.
The Inappropriate Seasonal Drink
We all love a good PSL (Pumpkin Spice Latte) when autumn hits, but ordering a PSL-inspired cocktail in June? That’s just weird, buddy. The same goes for asking for a frozen margarita during a winter blizzard.
Seasonal Ingredients: Bartenders stock up based on the season.
Awkwardness Factor: You’ll definitely get some raised eyebrows.
So, do yourself a favor and keep it seasonal. You’ll enjoy your drink more, and you won’t get any weird looks.
Drinks with Too Many Ingredients
Maybe you’re feeling adventurous, but that seven-ingredient monstrosity? Probably not a good idea. More isn’t always better when it comes to cocktails.
Balance: Too many flavors can clash.
Strength: More ingredients often mean less alcohol.
Keep it simple, champ. A well-crafted cocktail with fewer ingredients can be a work of art.
“Make it Strong”
So you’re looking to get more bang for your buck. I get it. But asking the bartender to “make it strong” is a quick way to become that customer.
Perception: It makes you look like a newbie.
Unrealistic Expectations: Bartenders measure alcohol for a reason.
Don’t be greedy; if you want more alcohol, order a double—but know that you’ll be paying for it.
Overly Cheap Options
Hey, we all love a good deal, but if you’re going for the cheapest booze in the bar, you’re setting yourself up for failure.
Quality: You get what you pay for.
Taste: Cheaper alcohol often tastes worse.
Spend a couple of extra bucks and get something you’ll actually enjoy. Trust me; it’s worth it.
Trendy Drinks That Are Past Their Prime
Remember the Cosmopolitan craze of the ’90s? Yeah, it’s not the ’90s anymore. Ordering a drink that had its heyday decades ago might make you look a bit out of touch.
Time and Place: Trends change, so keep up!
Better Options: New and exciting cocktails are being invented all the time.
What Not to Say When Ordering
Avoid throwing the bartender off with vague requests like “surprise me” or “make it your way.”
Clarity: Be clear about what you want.
Efficiency: It speeds up the ordering process.
Bartenders aren’t mind-readers, so let’s make their lives a bit easier, shall we?
The Questionable Shots
We’ve all been there: It’s late, you’re many drinks in, and suddenly, a “Prairie Fire” shot seems like a good idea. Spoiler: it’s not.
Gimmicky: Often more about the dare than the taste.
Regrets: You’ll likely regret it later.
Steer clear of the questionable shots. You’ll thank me in the morning.
Don’t Overdo Mocktails
Going alcohol-free? Awesome! But don’t make the mistake of turning your mocktail into a fruit salad.
Simplicity: A few quality ingredients go a long way.
Balance: It should still taste like a cohesive drink.
You’re not building a dessert; you’re crafting a drink.
The “Double”
Ah, the elusive “double.” It sounds like a good deal—twice the booze for less than twice the price. But is it really?
Cost: It’s pricier, obviously.
Intoxication: You’ll feel it faster, and maybe not in a good way.
If you’re gonna go for a double, make sure you’ve got a plan for getting home safe.
Alternatives: What to Order Instead
Let’s wrap up with some no-fail, universally good options to consider:
Old Fashioned: Classic and customizable.
Gin and Tonic: Refreshing and straightforward.
Craft Beer: When in doubt, a quality brew rarely disappoints.
Conclusion
So, the next time you’re at a bar, and the urge to order a triple-layered, glow-in-the-dark cocktail hits you, take a step back and remember this guide. Make smart choices and your liver—and your pride—will thank you. Cheers!